You stayed, even when it hurt. Not because you didn’t know better — but because you hoped they’d become someone else.
There Are No Victims, Only Volunteers
I know this is going to sting. But that’s how things are.
Toxic relationships don’t always come with bruises. And they don’t always equal an open violence but they are unhealthy, because one or both parties are deeply unhappy yet remain together.
It all starts with dissatisfaction. With quiet neglect. With one person who doesn’t know how to speak up and another who doesn’t care to listen.
And before you know it, you’re accepting breadcrumbs because your self-esteem thinks a buffet is too much to ask for.
And yet — while you can’t control what someone does out of their choice or insecurity — you can watch, listen, and take their actions as feedback. You don’t control them, but you do control what you do next. That’s the only part you’re responsible for. However, that’s plenty — that’s where your true power begins.
Radical Transparency: The Truth Hurts Less Than the Lies We Tell Ourselves
Let’s talk about that real pain. Not the ‘he didn’t text back’ pain. The pain of looking in the mirror and thinking, ‘Wow, I betrayed myself just to keep someone around.’
I used to obsess over past relationships, feeling betrayed and abandoned. Until I realised I wasn’t really mad at them — I was embarrassed. Embarrassed at what I accepted. Ashamed of how low I dropped my standards. And that shame? That’s what kept me stuck.
But when I finally owned it, when I said, ‘Okay, I messed up. I ignored the signs. I learned. I’m moving on,’ the weight fell off like an oversized ex-boyfriend hoodie. Comfortable, but not worth carrying.
Self-honesty is the real glow-up.
What Actually Hurts
You didn’t get hurt because he ghosted you. You got hurt because your brain ran a narrative titled ‘Why Am I Not Enough?’
Someone slaps you in a club — yes, it stings. But where? Not on your cheek. In your mind. It’s the meaning that hurts, not the action.
Same with your breakup. You’re not upset because he left. You’re upset because you believed someone leaving means you’re unworthy. But their actions are their business. Your response is yours.
Banana Peel Bullsh*t
Let’s be real. You slipped. You cried. You wrote five poems and a long-ass text he didn’t read. But now it’s time to get up.
Don’t sit on the pavement analysing what was intrinsic motivation of someone who dropped the damn banana peel. Pick it up, toss it, wipe your bum, and walk away. Bruised, maybe. But wiser.
Pain is inevitable. Prolonging it? That’s optional.
Take the Wheel Back, Babe
If you wouldn’t let a drunk stranger drive your car, why are you letting an emotionally unavailable man drive your life?
‘Throw him out of the car and grab the wheel,’ I remember my friend saying to me.
You’re not just a passenger. It’s your own life.
Mindfulness isn’t just a buzzword — it’s your roadmap. From awareness comes emotional control. From control comes power. From power comes peace. And peace is sexy. Chaos? Not so much.
