‘He drives me crazy.’
‘It’s got nothing to do with him. It’s your deficiencies.’
Ouch. But also — truth.
‘Why would you give anyone such power — to take control over your emotions?’
If someone’s silence can ruin your day, maybe the chaos isn’t in their absence. Maybe it’s in the system you’ve built inside — the one that runs on chemical highs, emotional lows, and stories you’ve told yourself for years.
If someone’s mood can swing your day like a wrecking ball, is there a possibility the wreckage was already waiting to happen?
A friend once asked me, ‘Why would you give anyone such power — to take control over your emotions?’ At the time, I brushed it off with a shrug. Now I see it. Most of the time, our emotional chaos has less to do with the other person, and more with the empty echo chambers inside us that they accidentally (or perfectly) trigger.
Let’s break it down.
Text Anxiety Isn’t About Them — It’s About You
Imagine someone doesn’t text back.
If it’s your friend, you brush it off. ‘They’re busy.’
If it’s your crush? Cue the overthinking Olympics.
Why? Because when we’re emotionally invested, we assign meaning. Silence becomes rejection. Delay becomes dismissal. But those interpretations aren’t truths — they’re projections from our own insecurity.
Your nervous system gets high on uncertainty. And like any addiction, it comes with withdrawal.
Welcome to the Hormone Carnival
Here’s where it gets even messier — you’re not just feeling things. You’re on things:
- Anticipation keeping you on your toes? Dopamine.
- Desire? Oxytocin.
- Heartbreak? Cortisol.
- Uncertainty? A chaotic cocktail of adrenaline, cortisol, and fear-driven neurochemicals.
Your nervous system is basically a rave. Every thought you think, every ping you wait for, every micro-drama in your love life — it’s a chemical cascade.
We get chemically addicted to the emotional loops we create. Even the painful ones. Especially the painful ones. There are studies that show we can crave the hormonal hit of sadness the way we crave sugar. Some of us are walking melatonin martinis — shaken, not stirred.
And so, we unconsciously seek out scenarios that keep feeding the fix. We chase emotionally unavailable people. We interpret silence as sabotage. We rewatch old mental movies of pain, as if memorising the plot will somehow change the ending.
It won’t.
Why You’re Addicted to Emotional Rollercoasters
One of my dates told me:
‘Every high is followed by a low. Life is a rollercoaster. If you want the thrill, you’ve got to stomach the drop.’
Neuroscience calls this homeostasis — your body’s way of keeping emotional balance to self-regulate. Which means you can’t stay in the clouds forever. Your system will yank you down just to level out.
But here’s the kicker:
The low isn’t punishment. It’s preparation.
You can’t feel the ‘high’ if it becomes your norm. So, the contrast is what sharpens the sensation. But — and this is key — the lows don’t have to destroy you. If you expect them, you can ride them. If you observe them, you can learn from them. It’s the attachment to emotional weather that wrecks us — not the weather itself.
Unfortunately, without realising that, we cling to these emotional drops. We don’t just allow them — we schedule them by choosing relationships and narratives that guarantee chaos.
Why? Because drama is familiar. And familiar feels safe — even when it hurts. Here’s how you keep feeding your emotional brain: your inner drama queen, who shies away from the unknown.
You’re the Dealer
So here’s the truth. You’re the one handing out the drugs. The body produces the chemicals, but your thoughts decide which batch gets brewed.
And your beliefs? They’re the suppliers.
If you believe love means suffering, guess what kind of partners you’ll find. If you believe life is hard, you’ll filter every opportunity through struggle. The unconscious mind is a loyal little beast — it will keep proving you right, even if ‘right’ hurts like hell.
But beliefs can be rewritten.
Break the Loop (Yes, You Can)
You’re not helpless. Your thoughts fuel your chemicals.
If you’re stuck in an emotional pattern — whether it’s anxious attachment, doomscrolling your own heartbreak, or obsessing over someone who ghosted — try this:
1. Catch the State – Notice when the emotional cocktail hits. And like Daniel Siegel calls this ‘Name it to tame it.’ Label it to address. ‘This is anxiety.’ ‘This is rejection sensitivity.’
2. Pause + Redirect – Don’t try to force joy. Just redirect your attention. Move your body. Shift your attention. Create a state change with action.
3. Enter the Observer Mode – Mentally zoom out. Ask, ‘If I watched this like a Netflix doc, what would I see?’
4. Rechoose Your Memory — The past is just a biased highlight reel — curated and colored by emotion. So, pick what to carry forward.
5. Design the Next Drop – Anticipate the emotional come-down. Don’t resist it. Ritualise it — journaling, resting, recalibrating. Then… rise.
6. You don’t owe loyalty to your pain. And you don’t need to stay addicted to someone else’s absence just because it’s familiar.
Life Is Built by Repeat Decisions
Another date (yes, I collect wisdom like Tinder matches) once told me he applied for 900 jobs before he got one. The week before his visa expired.
‘If you keep going,’ he said, ‘there’s always going to be a result.’
And that’s the bottom line.
Emotionally, mentally, hormonally — if you keep choosing again, shifting your state, letting go of what you don’t need to feel… eventually you’ll land somewhere new. Somewhere better. Somewhere you’re not just the puppet of your hormones, but the author of your next page.
Your chemistry isn’t fixed. Your patterns aren’t destiny. By creating new habits, we build new neural pathways. We’re not hopeless, and nothing is written in stone by ‘destiny’ or her majesty, ‘circumstance.’
The drugs are inside you. But so is the power to change the prescription.
Final Dose
‘There’s no past — just what you remember. And memory is a choice.
So if it’s that biased, why not choose pleasure?’
Let that sink in.
Your nervous system runs on feedback. The thoughts you feed it — the beliefs you rehearse — become your biochemical playlist.
You don’t owe anyone your peace.
You don’t owe your patterns your loyalty.
You don’t owe your hormones anything — except perhaps a little reprogramming.
Sexy & The Brain Says:
Withdraw from chaos. Rewire your chemistry.
